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The Goodbye Girl by Gina Paglia |
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| When the Goodbye Girl came out in the late seventies, I imagined that one day, I’ll get that call to go to a dance audition after a very long absence and feel just like Marcia Mason, a fraction behind the beat in the combination, looking down at my feet, and feeling completely out of place. Well, that day arrived not too long ago and it wasn’t pretty. I got a call to audition for a Weight Watchers video. The way my friend, director-choreographer Jamie Rocco put it was, "It’s Brittany Spears meets Weight Watchers." My immediate reaction was, "Great, maybe I’ll get to use my hip-hop name, Old Spice." I even knew the choreographer, the way Marcia Mason knew Michael Shawn. Is it Déjà vu or Vu jade? Dancers have muscle memory therefore, the notion that the only reality is the present, is somewhat misconstrued. My muscles remember being "on" and ready to get it right. But in that moment, my brain was fighting my muscles, "Don’t dance full out every time or you’ll die." Those nerves crept up on me while feeling the strain of having to learn something new. My brain was telling me to slow down, get the logic of the combination, but that memory of just being able to do it was still there. My old self was fighting with my rational self, wearing me out. It was like being in a dream where someone is chasing you and you’re trying to run away but you can’t. Some inexplicable force was pulling me back. Not only did we have to learn a combination; we also had to lip-synch to Turn the Beat Around. I thought perhaps I looked too serious in the combination with my brain fighting my body, so I thought I’d make up for it in the freestyle section. I might have overcompensated a bit. I became the Latin Mick Jagger for 90 seconds or thereabouts on video. I can be a rock star too! Needless to say, I didn’t get it. Jamie said something about my braces, which is probably another reason why I wasn’t smiling in the combination, but I have too strong a sense to know when something just doesn’t feel right. And this is a good thing. I was glad to be in a time warp for a short while; I can appreciate now what I used to be able to manage, but it’s also a relief to know it’s not the only thing I am able to do. It’s also a relief to know I don’t need the job to pay my mortgage. So as I stand in warrior pose in yoga, I am reminded that my back arm acknowledges the past, the front arm looks to the future, while my torso, is in the present accepting who I am right now. It’s about time my muscles catch up to the present. 08.02 |
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